Warning: Trainwreck ahead... (God I hate the emo-coaster)

Ugh. I guess nothing has been patently evil about today, but a collection of all the little things combined with a general feeling of dis-ease is snowballing into Bad Day.

Combining factors, FYI: (in some semblance of an order)

1. Lack of sleep. Take note, future Clarionites (as I am now certain there are other people out there besides my kin and folks who can bear me-- a kinda creepily wonderful sensation) Sleep is very important. It affects how well you think, write and most importantly communicate with others.
   
2. No yoga. I had to get up early to print my crits (after reading them once to make sure they made any sense)
3. No Aunt Wobbie on her birthday. In fact, yesterday was so crazy I don't even get to talk to her until today. All it did was make me miss home even more. Now I am definitely people- sick for those who know me inside and out. Yes, Echo is a people too.
   
4. Long morning crit session. Octavia definitely spoiled us. I don't mind the longer crits, we are having great conversation, but somebody remind me tomorrow to bring a pillow to stuff between my back and the chair. Plus my tummy gets talking if lunch comes late and breakfast was thin.
5. Behind on work. I started "Crazie Annie" then hit a wall - in spite of Amy's coaching on things that make AIs fail. So I put that in the stew pot, especially following some of the nice convo around race and sci-fi that I had with the girls at 1am this morning. Now I'm working on a smaller, quieter piece for this week -- tentatively titled "A Matter of Life and Death." I know, I know. It sounds worse than it is, trust me. It might actually be a comedy. Ha Ha.
   
6. Afternoon naps are a necessary evil. I instantly revert to 5 years old on waking up until I can get to the bathroom and forage for food. When T called, rousing me from slumber, I was less than chipper but playing it off well. Till I found out he is NOT coming to visit me and my 'I miss yer crazy self' remark was dropped off the face of the planet (nevermind echoed by a sweet 'you too babe.') Then I wanted to lay on the floor and roll around like -- well, a 5 year old. Act your age would have NOT been good advice.
   
7. Note to future Clarionites: Relationship drama from home while you're at CW sux. Get things straight. Are you together, not together, taking a break, orbiting planets, competing carniverous species, a symbiotic relationship gone awry, WHAT? Sorting this out over crappy cell phone connections and email does not a healthy relationship make. You will hang up with an inane lack of clarity. My situation is partially self inflicted. I don't know why I need an edge of agony to produce -- the torture of exposed nerves constantly rubbed raw by miscommunication. Consider this a cautionary tale. I have loosened the teethers on this to a friendship with affectionate tendencies hereby releasing either party from previously hinted at mentioned stronger bonds. For sanity's sake.
8. Dreaming. I am dreaming WAY to obviously. Before the phone rang, (Tori Amos belting out "Sleeps with Butterflies" has got to go. As of this minute.) I was dreaming I was driving clarionites and admin around Seattle and my car was LABORING up this ridiculous hill AND MAKING CLUNKING NOISES. Go head, analyze away. Christ. A few nights before I dreamed that T's sister wouldn't hug me full on, and literally -- gave me the shoulder when I tried to put my arms around her. UG. Now all I need is to dream I'm naked at morning Crits with my fellow clarionites speaking another language and my manuscript out of order with NO PAGE NUMBERS. Then life would be complete. No peace when awake. Why the hell should I expect to get any peace sleeping?

All and all, any one or two of these things alone wouldn't wreck me like this. In combo "I am the Hindenburg Descending in Flames" This is utterly ridiculous. Avoid this at all costs, those of you who will follow me. When they say "get your life in order" look at everything, not just the finances. And quit shaking your head at my folly. I am blogging my tortured soul for your own good.

Damnit.

"Life or Death" is going to be Dark. Very, very dark. Hopefully a revise will cure that before due date on Thursday. Otherwise people just might stone me. Or certainly, take away my bottle of whine. Yes, my whine is definitely in jeopardy.

And one last question. Why am I writing THIS and not working?

Cheap Therapy. Thanks for playing along. Back to ye olde grindstone.

D, where are you? I can't get my IM to work here (probably a good thing) and your cell is funked up. I need a good dose of "I told you so."