Como se dice, PANIC, en espanol?

Yesterday I find out that some of our application stories have been chosen by Ms Butler to be critiqued in the first two sessions. Not only is this like having homework assigned the first day of the new semester but it means OCTAVIA BUTLER WILL BE CRITIQUING OUR APPLICATION STORIES IN THE FIRST TWO SESSIONS (can I underline that?)

This brings up a few considerations:

1. The "to be chosen/not to be chosen" debate: Do I want to have my story crit that soon in the workshop or would I rather make friends first before being thrown to the wolves? Do I want Outrider to introduce me to Mz Butler or am I praying I get a chance to work something BETTER? If she picks Outrider is it for good point or a bad point to be highlighted? Will I be crushed if Outrider doesn't get selected?
2. Its OCTAVIA BUTLER: lets face it. I will be crushed if she doesn't choose it. I will also be crushed if she doesn't like it. Which leads to # 3
3. Crushed fallout: Will the crushing demoralize my summer or provide inspiration, determination and drive to do better?
   
4. The "Mikey likes it" factor: I do NOT want to establish myself as a teacher's pet in the first week. Almost hoping she doesn't like it, or at least finds significant parts to pick at so that I can be comfortably situated in anxiety land with the rest of my classmates. I am a teacher's kid. I have been the teacher's pet all my stinking life. I know how this pet thing works. It sucks. Ego is a fragile creature that thinks far too much of itself -- don't put it on a tightrope.
   
5. Isn't this what I came for in the first place? Okay so that's self explanatory. I just didn't think it would happen so SOON.
   

But the simple fact is that I don't have TIME to ponder any of these things. I have sh*t to pack, a new house to look at, finances to arrange, work to settle, time to be spent with BJ, Echo and Tolley (YOU saw the to-do list!) Crikey. No time to get mired in what if's. No time to blog for that matter.

We leave for Seattle Saturday morning. Plenty to do between here and there.